'He heals the brokenhearted And binds up their wounds.'Hello, You may have stumbled onto this blog by accident, or maybe you were intentionally looking for a blog that is about a young lady spilling her heart out about the lessons she has learnt through heartbreak, and what she continues to learn whilst her heart is 'on the mend'. If the latter reason is the case, then hey :) you are in the right place (unintentional rhyme, i'm a poet and I didn't know it! Annnd I regress! lol) The inspiration for my blog comes from the bible verse Psalm 143:3, which states - 'He heals the brokenhearted And binds up their wounds.'
Literally, from the first day I saw him I felt in my soul that this guy, (i shall call him 'Charles') was going to be in my life for a very long time. And he was, 5 1/2 years to be exact. I thought he was the one I was going to marry. He was my best friend, my buddy, homie, cooking partner, partner in crime, business partner, number one support, constant encourager, confidant etc. We were in Love, with a capital L.
Charles left London in order to study at a University in another country, whilst I remained in the UK to attend University. This meant that for about 3 1/2 me and Charles were in a long distance relationship. They were some tough years! However, amidst all the hard times, we had some great times, and we worked hard to stay together.
Anywhoo... some time in late 2011 we both decided that it was time for us to break up and take time to pray individually for Gods guidance concerning each other and our relationship and to allow God to work on us individually. We had been together since we were 16/17, and we never prayed about our relationship before we entered into it. This was something that always concerned me and I always wanted time out to pray to see if it was Gods will for us to be together.
Now we have been on breaks in the past. I am talking break ups, downs, break ins and outs, on a number of occasions. The longest lasted a month. However, this time it was meant to be 'official' but we were still talking every day, carrying on like we were still together... All the i love you boos and all that jazz included.
It is necessary to backtrack a little to provide a little context here...and to introduce the third character to this story...
Now, fast forward to the15th December 2011...Charles has a 'friend' lets call her 'Rachel'. She has been his friend since he started University. Now Charles and Rachel constantly chilled together, had sleep overs, study sessions, jamming session worreva u wana call am they had it... then there were pictures... in varying locations, and poses, when they were out and about with friends etc. I was also hearing through the grapevine, that stuff was going down. Even my girls were telling me that Rachel was shady, and she clearly had a thing for Charles. However, I like to give people the benefit of the doubt, call it naivety or whatever, but that's just me. It did cause a few issues, but i always received the response 'we are just friends'...I believed him.
Now, remember I thought me and Charles were taking time out to pray and work on ourselves as individuals and pray about OUR relationship... there was no notion or indication of anyone else popping up, especially from his side, as he was always adamant that he didnt want no one else but me bla bla... However, to cut the long story short, on this day, Charles admitted that he liked Rachel... and Rachel said she felt the same way.
Well, there it is, where it all started. My heart shattered on the floor of the Nigerian Embassy waiting room. Heart break.
This boy was literally my life. The guy I still wanted to marry, whom I clicked with like no one else in the world, he had my trust and all... I even made the mistake of even putting him before God at times. Shame on me, I know.
The pain that followed was immense. The heavy weight of pain that crushed my heart day in and day out for weeks after I found out. The constant tears that unexpectedly forced itself from my eyes. The anger, hurt, sadness, distrust and plain craziness that followed, I can write memoirs documenting the tormenting thoughts that plagued my mind in an attempt to calculate the how's, but's, when's and WHYSs?? I am sure if you have experienced heart break, you will definitely know the feelings and thoughts that I am referring to. It was pure pain. Ish...
Quite frankly, I wont even going into any further details as I do not want to use this blog as an anger/cussing/she said he said arena, because I am not that kind of girl and this is not that sort of blog. The only thing I will state is that; I tried to respectfully close the situation as peacefully and respectfully as possible, and more importantly I wanted to obtain personal closure and move on. I simply wanted things to end on 'ok' terms... Unfortunately, I was not given the same respect back. But, sha, its Baba God noni that will sort those things out, as Lord knows i tried... :)
So, that is my break up story. At the time, I felt like my life was over, but I have realised now that it is only the beginning... I am now at a place where I can say that; although the pain is still there, 'I am still breathing'. Trust me it is all by the grace of God.
I am still on my journey and my heart is still being mended.
This blog as a place where I can share the Lesson's I have learnt over the past few months and the lessons that I am sure I will continue to learn. Please join me as I continue to learn the lessons required to be a Proverbs 31 lady... and by grace one day, to reach a place of complete restoration. I sincerely pray that somehow that through my incessant ramblings someone will find the strength to keep on going. I also pray that whether it was recent, or old wounds which are still sore... that God Heals the broken hearts and binds up their wounds... Amen...
Okan's Ife (Heart's Love)
